If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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