I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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