What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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