You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
