I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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