im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
