she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
