Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you had me at cake vodka
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
