Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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