so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sober January is a disaster.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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