dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
zippers are such a cool invention
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
