Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
