the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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