you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
