I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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