dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
