my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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