My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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