I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
