In the future we'll all be gay
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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