His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
