In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
