Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
