sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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