I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
