I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
