i think i have two assholes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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