He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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