tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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