none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
