Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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