So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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