well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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