I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
