they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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