Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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