3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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