If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
