So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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