oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Im part way to drunk.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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