omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
