it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
