so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
