ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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