what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
