Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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