You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
