Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
