i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
