yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
