my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
