we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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