My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
