dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
