OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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