I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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