just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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