I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
