all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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