I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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