i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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