i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
