you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
