You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
