Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
