just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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