i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Buhtt sex?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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