So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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