Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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