I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
