hell yes lets make some ravioli
its not stalking. its research.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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