Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
