Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
