I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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